In Human Design, my “not self theme” (the emotional and behavioral patterns that arise when you're out of alignment with your true self) is frustration. I find myself trying to think through answers to make sense of the labyrinth of thoughts in my head (it’s giving Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind).
Image: Pinterest
The truth is that I want someone to give me the answer. I want someone to say, “OK, Tish, if you want to feel fulfilled, satisfied, successful, happy, content (insert chosen desire), just do X, Y, and Z.”
I want to be told what to do. I want to pay someone to give me the roadmap. I want to outsource the decision. And when I can’t figure it out myself—when I don’t know what the next step is, when I’m looking around and comparing myself, when I’m beating myself up because I think I’ve run out of time (embarrassing confession!)—I get frustrated.
Now let’s circle back to Human Design and my “not self theme". When I feel frustrated, it’s because I am out of alignment with my true self.
I’ve been on a journey of inner exploration and discovery for many years now, with the intention of getting to know myself more. To uncover who I actually am. What I actually think. What I give a profound shit about and what legacy I want to leave on our earth.
Image: Instagram badgalriri
In moments of frustration, I’m learning to come back to myself. I’m learning to take a beat and give myself a moment to really tap into what’s going on inside and reflect. What have I been doing that’s felt really great? What have I been doing that’s felt heavy, toxic, or low vibe? Who have I been spending time with? What have I done that I’m not so proud of? What have I done that felt easy and smooth?
I want someone to give me the answer, but the truth is it’s not about the answer; it’s about the commitment to following the feeling and going where the goodness flows. It’s about collaborations that challenge us, connections that expand us, people that help us see life through a different lens, and conversations that open up a door we didn’t know was inside of us.
The idea that there’s one way, one path, one answer, is a false truth.
So now I’m understanding this very basic statement: “It’s about the journey, not the destination.” And it really is the journey, because if we don’t take responsibility for the journey, we will wish away our life. Which is a real and possible thing. Wishing we did something different. Wishing we were somewhere different. Instead of being here, now, existing, loving, and doing the best that we can do.
One step at a time.
Love you so much, stay well, and be kind.
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